


the stranger looking back at me

by delinquentprincess



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Brainwashed Bellamy Blake, F/M, M-Cap, Season 7 AU, i wrote this during the first half of s7 before everything went to shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delinquentprincess/pseuds/delinquentprincess
Summary: Clarke has lived through the end of the world more times than she can count. A war, being drilled for bone marrow, a murderous A.I., a nuclear meltdown, a nuclear warhead being dropped on the last surviving valley on Earth, and being body snatched. This is worse.In her search for Bellamy across galaxies and planets she never expected this.The air had left her lungs the moment he’d entered the room.“Bellamy?”Or Bellamy is captured and brainwashed on Bardo
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	the stranger looking back at me

**Author's Note:**

> *Adele voice* We could have had it all.
> 
> I wrote this for a writing challenge I did with my friends over quarantine back during the first half of season 7 when we were all still hopeful and speculating brainwashed!bellamy. I've been in a writing and reading slump ever since the finale and so I decided to dig through some of my old work to post.
> 
> I know that this doesnt really comply with the canon of the disciples because I wrote it before they were really explored so whoops 
> 
> Fuck JRoth and hopefully you enjoy!

Clarke has lived through the end of the world more times than she can count. A war, being drilled for bone marrow, a murderous A.I., a nuclear meltdown, a nuclear warhead being dropped on the last surviving valley on Earth, and being body snatched. This is worse. 

In her search for Bellamy across galaxies and planets she never expected this. 

The air had left her lungs the moment he’d entered the room. Anders, the bald man who greeted her when she arrived, and who had known too much about her for her own comfort, stood across from her. A taunting grin on his lips as he watched Clarke’s reaction to the person who entered. She had stilled in her struggle against her captors, feeling the energy drop from the room as her friends did the same. 

“Bellamy?”

He stood not even six feet in front of her. He was clean shaven, the scar above his lip and the dimple in his chin visible. His hair shorter and curling over his forehead. He looked so much like her Bellamy it made her heart ache. Except, he wasn’t her Bellamy. Not really. She could tell.

It wasn’t just the white clothes that tipped her off. No, it was the overwhelming numbness in his eyes. The blank mask that was settled onto his features. He stared at her with such utter unfamiliarity that it made her heart climb into her throat. _Something was wrong._

“Do I know you?” The pieces fell together as her heart shattered. 

Before she could even piece together something to say in return, Anders held up a hand. 

“Disciple Bellamy,” Anders called, and Bellamy stepped forward.

Clarke could see out of the corner of her eye Miller fight against his restraints, “What the hell did you do to him?”

Anders turned his attention towards him, but Clarke noticed as Bellamy carefully kept his eyes on her. 

“We freed his mind. Just as we will all of you.”

A chill ran down her spine. _Freed his mind._ Bellamy’s blank expression dug deeper into her heart. _They erased his memories._ Panic began to climb its way up her throat. 

“Like hell you will,” Raven spat.

Anders pulled a pistol from his belt, “Disciple Bellamy,” he repeated.

Again, Bellamy stepped forward and accepted the pistol. Clarke watched in horror as Bellamy stalked across the room to Raven where he then pressed the barrel of the gun between Raven’s eyes.

“If you do not comply, Disciple Bellamy will make sure that you do. Isn’t that right, brother?”

“Yes sir.” 

Anders snapped his fingers and quicker than Clarke could blink Bellamy swivelled, aiming the gun at Niylah’s temple and firing. Clarke and the rest screamed as she hit the floor.

Anders snapped again and Bellamy retreated back to his side, “Consider that a warning. Now, escort our prisoners to their cells. We will begin with Miss Griffin.”

Clarke watched as her friends were dragged out of the room through the door in front of her, leaving her alone with Anders and Bellamy. A sinking feeling filled her stomach.

_What the hell did they do to you?_

She was restrained to a chair in the middle of the room by the two men holding before they too left. Her wrists and ankles were shackled, and they attached some type of head piece to her. Anders had turned to a computer, punching away at a holographic screen, but Bellamy stood in the corner, staring at her with deep, empty eyes. 

She swallowed thickly, trying to ignore Niylah’s blood drying on the floor. _This can’t be it. This can’t be how she loses him._ She had to try something, if not for her, but for her friends that were most likely awaiting Niylah’s fate. 

“I know you’re still in there Bellamy,” Clarke spoke carefully, aware that Anders was still in the room. Her voice was horse and thick with unshed tears, “I refuse to believe that you’re just gone.”

Bellamy didn’t say anything, blinking at her curiously. Anders chuckled darkly, his back still to her. “It won’t work Miss Griffin. The man you knew is no longer.”

This brought a lump into her throat and she thrashed against her restraints, “I’ll kill you, and that’s a promise.” She spat in his direction and Anders simply turned over his shoulder to give her an amused expression.

“You have Octavia’s memories. You have Bellamy’s,” Clarke said, channelling the girl who used to speak to armies and lead them into war, “Look in them and see what I’ve done to people who hurt my family. To people who’ve threatened Bellamy. I promise you that what you find will look merciful compared to what I will do to you.” 

If anything, the small bit of fear she found in Ander’s eyes was enough. She turned her attention back to Bellamy, allowing for desperation to seep into her words.

“What was the last thing that I said to you, before you left Earth.”

Bellamy continued to stare at her with blank eyes.

“ _Bellamy_ would know this. _Bellamy_ would remember this,” Clarke stressed.

Still, a careful nothingness shielded his eyes.

“I told you to hurry,” Clarke said tears starting to leak from her eyes, “But that’s not what I wanted to say.”

She watched as Bellamy twitched. Something shifting in his masked expression. Something like recollection. She kept pushing.

“I wanted to tell you,” Clarke took a breath, “that I love you.”

Her voice quivered at the end and she watched as Bellamy took as step backwards. As if she had physically struck him and he had lost his balance. She never told him, could never find the right time and then she missed her chance. Maybe telling him like this was selfish, but Clarke didn’t care. He could be gone forever; she could have missed her chance completely. But Clarke believed he was still in there. Bellamy just needed to fight.

“I love you, Bellamy.”

Bellamy’s jaw ticked and he swallowed, “Shut up.”

“You have _no idea_ ,” Clarke choked out, “how much I love you.”

_“Shut up!”_

That was the first moment Bellamy broke eye contact with her since he had walked into the room. He turned away from her, shaking his head as if to try and rid her voice from his head. She watched him squeeze his eyes shut. His hands flew to his eyes, pressing down hard even though no one was speaking.

“That is enough!” Anders roared, finally stepping away from the computer.

But Bellamy ignored him, instead frantically removing his hands from his ears and crossing the room so that they were barley an arms length apart. He asked her, voice desperate, “Who were you to me?”

God, how was she supposed to answer that? Allies, best friends, family? Of course. Lovers? Clarke liked to think that they would have been, had they been given the chance.

“Disciple Bellamy,” Anders warned.

Bellamy’s voice was no longer cold and detached, but instead the emotion in his voice made Clarke feel victorious, “This woman, I was obviously important to her. And something is telling me that she was important to me!”

Clarke held her breath, _it was working._ But before she could continue, preparing herself to tell him more of their memories, Anders was speaking again.

“Terminate the subject, Disciple Bellamy.”

Clarke watched as Bellamy clenched his jaw, staring back at Anders. She was almost convinced that he would tell Anders to go float himself. That he would cross the room, release her, and the two of them would fight their way out together. And then she heard the cocking of a pistol. 

Bellamy had taken the pistol from his holster, crossing the rest of the distance between them to press the barrel into the space between her eyes. Clarke refused to look away. Instead she looked up at him, staring deep into his eyes that now held more emotion than she had seen since he entered the room.

She could see his finger on the trigger out of the corner of her eye, and yet he hesitated.

“Terminate the subject!” Anders shouted.

But Bellamy didn’t do anything. The gun shook in his hand, vibrating against her forehead. Clarke could see tears escaping from his eyes, leaving hot trails down his cheeks. Clarke could feel her own leaking down her face.

“It’s okay,” she whispered just for him, “Bellamy it’s okay.”

If he was going to kill her, she had to make sure he knew that she didn’t blame him. That this wasn’t his fault. That he wasn’t a monster. That she would forgive him, no matter what. Even if he wasn’t himself. She repeated it over and over again, lips trembling in time with the shaking of the gun.

_It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay. It’s okay._

“Do it!” Anders yelled. Clarke closed her eyes and a gun shot sounded.

When she realized she was still alive, Clarke’s eyes shot open to reveal Bellamy pointing the gun at Anders, the barrel still smoking. Anders lay next the to computer, a bullet hole in his chest, red leaking across his white uniform. His hands searched his chest wildly, his eyes wide, and choking for breath. 

“Bellamy?” Clarke asked cautiously.

Gun still pointed towards Anders, Bellamy turned his head to face her and what she found in his eyes was all she needed. Because that was Bellamy, _her Bellamy_ , staring back at her.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment! 
> 
> Come yell with me on tumblr @harpermiller


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